I'm a mean old fart

Or at leat that's what I'm told tonight. *grins* Let me explain. Jill's here... and I just took her picture. She hates her picture taken. But she looked so adorable I had to take her pic.

Anyway... I didn't do much today. I wrapped presents all day. *smirks* I'm taunting Jill with hers.

Jill is currently trying to pick out a movie... I guess I'm gonna go. I hafta clean the tv because she wrote in the dust... *chuckles* Lata!

Never quite enough

It's that time of year where nothing is ever enough... Not enough time, not enough money, and not enough company. I went shopping today... by myself. Seth was with Vanessa and since it's Tues. Jill had bingo tonight. Besides, I wasn't gonna wake her up early. The poor girl doesn't get enough rest as it is and ends up sick. I got most of my shopping done... *stares at the stack of bags in the corner* I just hafta wrap it all and pick up a few more things.

Tomorrow? *smiles from ear to ear* Jill is off tomorrow night so we're gonna spend the day together. I'm practically giddy at that notion. I know... I make you all sick. Frankly, I don't care! ;-p I don't care what she and I get into as long as we're together. If it's just hanging, shopping, watching a movie, or plucking chickens... it doesn't matter, as long as I'm with her. *grins* Oh, and I showed Mom one of Jill's presents... she tried to take it. *grins* Glad I got Mom something similar. (and honey, if you're reading this... NO! I'm not gonna show you!)

I'm out like a fat kid in dodgeball!

Double edged sword

Sleep is a wonderful thing, but not when it costs you something. Let me explain. I was exhausted last night. With the holiday and then working early the past two days I hadn't been getting a whole lot of sleep. A few hours here and there at most. Last night I was out early. Before midnight as a matter of fact. I usually call Jill around 1:30 in the morning just to see how her night is going and such. I didn't call last night because I was asleep. I got up this morning and since I didn't call I knew I'd have a text message waiting on my phone. I did... two of them as a matter of fact. The one night she was gonna leave work early and come down... and I was already out cold. I hope my baby is feeling better. She's been so sick lately. Anyway... I need to get moving. Get some food and get around for work. I'm outtie!

Just to let ya know....

Yeah... I'm a sap. Jill was gonna leave last night. Her family was going Christmas shopping today and I had to work 7-4. She felt miserable and she fell asleep watching a movie with me. She had told me to wake her up when it was over... I did, but I didn't let her leave. I couldn't. When my alarm went off this morning she left before I got around for work. I worked all day, she did her shopping and I talked to her twice... Now what am I doing? Laying here with the pillow she used last night. It still smells of her shampoo and her bodywash. I just saw her this morning, talked to her twice and yet I miss her terribly...

Reap the Whirlwind

Oh my, what an extraordinary couple of days.... Thanksgiving was nice. My sister and her family came over and we had a nice meal. They hung out here for a while and then I went to Jill's for a while in the evening. I had to get up at three a.m. to go to work for Black Friday. *rolls eyes* Of course it was insane in the store. I got off work at one and came home to take a nap. I woke up and called Jill and she came down. She's still here so I'm keeping this short and sweet. Just thought I'd write it down. Now I'm gone! ;-p

Happy Thanksgiving

"The year that is drawing towards its close, has been filled with the blessings of fruitful fields and healthful skies. To these bounties, which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they come, others have been added, which are of so extraordinary a nature, that they cannot fail to penetrate and soften even the heart which is habitually insensible to the ever watchful providence of Almighty God...They are the gracious gifts of the Most High God, who, while dealing with us in anger for our sins, hath nevertheless remembered mercy. It has seemed to me fit and proper that they should be solemnly, reverently and gratefully acknowledged as with one heart and one voice by the whole American People. I do therefore invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next, as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens. And I recommend to them that while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings, they do also, with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, commend to His tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty Hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquillity and Union."


Just an excerpt from the proclamation that Abraham Lincoln issued in 1863 that I thought I'd share. I thought it fitting for this Thanksgiving Day that we ponder these things that echo and mirror our present state here in America. I wish you all a happy Thanksgiving and continued health and happiness to come.

*makes a rude face*

Today is the day before Thanksgiving... *nods* Thanksgiving is good. I have Thanksgiving off and gonna get to spend some time with my family. The bad part here is that I have to be at work on Fri. at FOUR IN THE MORNING!!! That's horrible! And what's worse is that when I called Jill last night... she's sick! I feel so bad for her. She sounded miserable. Maybe I'll run away from work and go play nurse. *smirks*

I hate bingo!

Today was my day off... I didn't do much until I got a call from Jill. I had told her last night that I wouldn't call and wake her up today. We had talked about going to lunch today but I always seem to call and wake her up. I then feel like crap because she doesn't get enough sleep as it is. Anyway... we went to lunch and had a nice meal and then we just kinda hung out until it was time for bingo. *sighs* Bingo sucks!!!! *clears throat* Aaaaanywaaaay... she didn't get much sleep last night and now she got up early to go out with me and won't sleep before work tonight. So I feel kinda guilty. *nods* I mean... I feel like a greedy, selfish so and so... *shakes head* She tells me that it's all good... and I love just being in her company. *nods* I was on my way home... and as odd as it sounds, I could still smell her. It made me smile. Just that lingering scent of her... that mixture of her shampoo, bodywash and whatever else.

And now on to a completely unrelated subject...

(if you haven't noticed, I'm just jumping from one thing to the next anyway)

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'."
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
And need His strength to carry on!

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow.

-- Dr. Maya Angelou


(and let's go to one more thing)


a young man was getting ready to graduate from college. For many months he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealer's showroom, and knowing his father could well afford it, he told him that was all he wanted. As Graduation Day approached, the young man awaited signs that his father had purchased the car.

Finally, on the morning of his graduation, his father called him into his private study. His father
told him how proud he was to have such a fine son, and told him how much he loved him. He handed his
son a beautiful wrapped gift box. Curious, but somewhat Disappointed, the young man opened the box and found a lovely, leather-bound Bible, with the young man's name embossed in gold. Angrily, he raised his voice to his father and said, "With all your money you give me a Bible? and stormed out of the house, leaving the Bible.

Many years passed and the young man was very successful in business. He had a beautiful home and wonderful family, but realized his father was very old, and thought perhaps he should go to him. He had not seen him since that graduation day. Before he could make arrangements, he received a telegram telling him his father had passed away, and willed all of his possessions to his son. He needed to come home immediately and take care of things.
When he arrived at his father's house, sudden sadness and regret filled his heart. He began to search through his father's important papers and saw the still new Bible, just as he had left it years ago. With tears, he opened the Bible and began to
turn the pages. His father had carefully underlined a verse,
Matt 7:11, "And if ye, being evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more
shall your Heavenly father which is in heaven, give to those who ask Him?" As he read those words, a car key dropped from the back of the Bible. It had a tag with the dealer's name, the same dealer who had the sports car he had desired. On the tag was the date of his graduation, and the words...PAID IN FULL.
How many times do we miss God's blessings because they are not packaged as we expected?

Perfection

My day? *grins* It was pretty good. Mom woke me up and asked if I was gonna go to church with them. I was TIRED... worked late last night and didn't want to get up. I slept until almost one today. Got up and started to get around for work. Mom and Monica came home with food and I ate and went to work.

Work? *shakes head* That place is... how shall we say? STUPID! But I did close with my main man, Seth. *nods* Kewlness! Jillian came to have supper with me. That chica always makes my day brighter. She asked me to stay at her place tonight. I so badly wanted to. I'm happiest just being with her. I went up for a while but since I have to work 10-7... I didn't stay. That's like a dagger in my chest.

Just laying beside her... listening to her breathe. *smiles* The scent of her hair... intoxicating. She tells me that I'm too good to her... that I make her happy. I wish I could explain to her... She deserves so much more than I can give her. How amazed I am that she loves me. Not just the image most people see of me... not just the scoundrel, but the scared, emotional mess who is clingy and insecure... the hopeless romantic and the solitary, brooding, quiet guy too. She loves all of them. I don't know what I did to deserve a love like this but I pray I don't screw it up.

Anyway... I gotta try to get some sleep. Stupid work in the morn.

A tiring day... in lots of ways

As you know, I went up onto Dad's mountain today. As I drove up, I watched a red tailed hawk leap from its perch and soar across the valley and it made me smile. I thought about how Dad's spirit is now as free as that hawk. He is no longer shackled with a mortal body that won't listen to his commands, that revolts and does or doesn't as it wishes. I drove to his final resting place and smiled as the sun washed over the valley below. I thought of my father walking those woods as a young man. I am now the age my father was when I was born. It's a sobering thought. Dad was married with a seven year old daughter and a newborn son at my age. As I sat there and talked to him in the chilly afternoon sun, the wind gushed up over the side of the mountain and engulfed me. I was surrounded by the arms of this invisible force and it made me smile. Before I left, a raven flew overhead repeating it's mournful cry. It echoed through the mountain pass and again I smiled as I remembered that every sorrow, with time, fades and the joys are left forever.

I had to work this afternoon/evening. I went in two until eleven. That place is a madhouse already. I spent the first two hours of my shift filling t.v.s and reworking displays. The rest of the night was just stocking and helping customers. It's insane already and only gonna get worse.

The bright spot? Jill came to have supper with me. *grins* It's her weekend off and normally we'd spend TONS of time together. Well... she worked last night so I told her to get some rest today... I kinda wanted to go see Dad by myself anyway. Since I worked 2-11 getting together tonight wouldn't have been too bad but she has a class early tomorrow morn... and I work 2-11 again tomorrow night so... Just gotta work out what we can. She was so sweet to me tonight. She asked about me going to the mountain and listened to what I said but never pushed me or made me feel like I had to answer anything. When I quit talking about things... she just eased the conversation onto something else. *smiles* I am amazed by how much she cares and by how sensitive she is to how I feel. I love you, Jill!!!

Happy Birthday, Dad

That's right... today is my Father's birthday. He would be 51 today. I'm going to go visit him on his mountain. We all know that my relationship with him was far from perfect but I hope he knew that I loved him. I wish he were around now so I could share the joys in my life with him. I'm beginning to realize that the sweet things in life are sweeter when you share them. My Father never met Jill... He never saw the smile she puts on my face. I'm sure he'd have something to say about her and I... and how my Mom is handling things. *chuckles* Dad always did have a great sense of humor. I can hear him now, boiling it all down as only he could. To him life was a very simple equation... Live, laugh, love and don't let it get to you. Yes, it's easier to remember only the good when someone is gone... I recall the bad too but it's not important anymore... Every man, woman and child on this planet has their faults and we must strive to see past them before it's too late.

This one's for you, Dad...


Goo Goo Dolls - It's Over Lyrics


And I didn't think about
All the ways I hurt you and myself
And I hide
Wouldn't say a thing to you
I keep it to myself and my mind
I can't stand without you
And I won't find the answers when you're gone

But it's over to you
And I can't find the answers when you're gone
And it's over to you
And you can't find the answer where you are

And you know
(And you know)
I need you now
This ain't easy to admit
And no one needs to know
What goes on behind the door in my room
I'm peeking through the walls in my mind
And I can't stand without you
I won't find the answers when you're gone

But it's over to you
And I can't find the answers when you're gone
And it's over to you
And you can't find the answers where you are

I will tear you down
I will tear you down
To get into the world you wanted
I'm kicking through the wall
No one can believe in things that never change

But it's over to you
And I can't find the answers when you're gone
And it's over to you
And you can't find the answers where you are

And it's over to you
And I can't find the answers when you're gone
And I can't find the answers when you're gone
And I can't find the answers when you're gone

I'm not thinking of a title

So my day... well, last night I watched Madagascar and Stealth. Both pretty good movies. I called and talked to Jill for a while and then went to bed.

I got up today at one... put the dogs out, listened to the four messages that were on the answering machine because I didn't answer the phone. Then I finally got around and went to pick up my check. I cashed my check, put gas in my car and got some chow... I hung at work until it was time to clock in for my stupid short shift.

Nothing major to tell about work... though I got a text message... Leigh watched me as I read it. As I scrolled down through it my smile got bigger and bigger and Leigh of course had to rib me about it... *chuckles* I don't care... it was soooo sweet.

Anyway... I'm gonna go.
;-p

Pour out the rain

Been a few days since I posted... *shrugs* It's been a combination of things. Been kinda busy but not with anyting that I really plan on posting.

Nothing of significance going on at work. *shrugs* It's the holiday rush, people are idiots and there's a rumor about our new store manager. I say rumor because I haven't been to work in a few days and I don't know.

I went Christmas shopping Tuesday. Got some gifts and then I went to Jill's in the evening. We just kinda hung out, watched some tv and things. She told me that I have a boney chest... I'm not sure what to make of that. *chuckles* I ended up spending the night up there... It was rainy and foggy and just an icky night. Ended up going on a call with Jill too... *shakes head* Not my bag... but I'm glad there are people who do it.

Spent some time with my Aunt Sylv and Uncle Roger today... good times. Sylv and I were gonna go take pics but it was still icky out today so... *shrugs* I spent most of my evening watching movies and just chilling.

Anyways... I'm gone!

Stolen Moments

I have nothing of major significance to post... Just that I received a text tonight that made me smile all night long. I dislike working with our new associate... he's nice enough; just hyper and sarcastic to NO END! Yeah... I have other things I could write about... but no one would care. I guess I'm out.

Good, bad and around again

So I have updated for a few days... *grins* Thursday I worked 10-7 and afterward Jill came over. Now we know that Mom was on my case for the whole half hour I had seen her on Weds. so I was expecting something bad to happen. *shrugs* Jill ended up spending the night and I thought for sure that I'd hear all sorts of crap last night. Didn't happen. Though I think Mom had other things on her mind because two of our dogs got into a fight and actually hurt each other.

Anyway... that's all that's goin on. I gotta go...

A long day off

Today was my day off (as you may have guessed by the title) and I had a lot to do. I woke up and after a while finally got myself motivated to get around. I went up to Pap's and Sylv and I dug out some siding and things from the garage. Afterward I went to pay my car payment but the bank was closed. Then I went to Jill's. I came home around five this evening and got around to go to revival with Dawn.

That's the events of the day....

What's on my mind though is what happened in that short time I was home to get around for church. Mom started yet again on me about Jill and I. It's the same conversation/argument every time. It's so monotonous... tears me apart. Why can't she allow me to be who I am? Maybe I'm not who she thinks I am, wants me to be, or who I once was. I'm changing, evolving, learning, and experiencing new things every day. My relationship with Jill is just that... MY RELATIONSHIP WITH JILL... whatever mom thinks of it, it's not her affair. You've heard this all before... I'm sick of typing it, sick of talking about... sick of living it. *sighs*


I'm gone...

The News I've Neglected

Ok.. with all the focus on other things the past coupla days I neglected to pass along the news....

Jill won firefighter of the year at her banquet. An unusual thing she says because she's an officer and officers don't usually win awards. She deserves it, she loves that fire company.

Jill's dad got a service award for his particpation this past year. Fundraisers and running calls and so forth.

I brought a bunch of SW stuff home from the store... it's stashed in my room. I don't have anywhere to put it but... I have it.

I believe that's about it...
*shrugs*

<-< edited by the scoundrel as per request >->

I got my answer

Ok... so I went to bed wondering about a mystery. I got my answer this morning. It's heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time. Suffice it to say that I'm humbled. I am the luckiest man on this planet.

Let me be ta'en, let me be put to death;
I am content, so thou wilt have it so.
I'll say yon grey is not the morning's eye,
'Tis but the pale reflex of Cynthia's brow;
Nor that is not the lark, whose notes do beat
The vaulty heaven so high above our heads:
I have more care to stay than will to go:
Come, death, and welcome! Juliet wills it so.
How is't, my soul? let's talk; it is not day.

No title here

A long night at work... Nothing spectacular about today until I checked my email. When I did, I found a mystery awaiting for me. I want nothing more than to unravel this mystery, to pull back the curtain that blinds my sight. I know I cannot have the answer now, and that is fine because I know I shall have it soon. Most of you won't know what I mean by most of this post, but the players in this scene know and that is all that matters. Been watching Shakespeare in Love... I love this film. The comedy, the tragedy, the beautiful love story...

This post is really jumbled... and I don't care. As a matter of fact, I'll jumble it more...

What light is light, if Silvia be not seen?
What joy is joy, if Silvia be not by?
Unless it be to think that she is by
And feed upon the shadow of perfection
Except I be by Silvia in the night,
There is no music in the nightingale;
Unless I look on Silvia in the day,
There is no day for me to look upon;
She is my essence, and I leave to be,
If I be not by her fair influence


Take from that what you will... but I know what I mean.
I'm out!

A relieving talk

Ok... So you know that last night I went to bed feeling outta place. Tonight I'm going to bed feeling much better about things. Jill and I talked about a great many things this evening. Things we needed to discuss. I explained my feelings and she made me feel much better about it all. I'm not gonna go into detail because it's between her and I. Oh and, T... Thank you! It is a true friend who tells you the truth even if it's unsolicited or even not what you want to hear.

Feeling Outta Place

Ok... so tonight was Jill's banquet with the fire dept. I don't like crowds and she knows this. She knew that the only reason I was going was because it was important to her. I felt uncomfortable just being there. We had a nice meal. They had their presentations and their fun and then I really felt outta place. The DJ got cranked up and and the alcohol came out. So now I'm surrounded by a crowd of people drinking. Definitely not my sort of scene. She told me that if I wanted to leave that was fine... but she was staying. She considers the fire dept. more like her family than some of her blood relatives. *sighs* Now I don't know what I feel. I think at the core of it, I'm feeling slighted because she chose to stay there and not leave with me. Kinda feel like how I felt was unimportant. But I don't want to do to her like Mom does to me. I don't want to make her feel like I'm making her do anything. I don't know... I love her, she says she loves me... I'm lost without her. I know this sort of situation doesn't happen everyday.... oh screw it! I'm going to bed and not thinking about anything anymore tonight.

I'm the scoundrel

In other news... Just got a phone call from Jill and my idiot store manager is moving on. He's gone! Last day is on Monday! *does a little dance* Good riddance!

Jill's banquet is tomorrow. Kinda nervous. Lots of people, big party. *shakes head* Not really my kind of scene. But for Jill, I'm going. I'm sure this thing will last half the night and Mom wants me to go to church with her Sunday morning. *sighs* That puts me in the position again of having to choose. Do I leave Jill early so I can get some sleep to go to church with mom or do I stay with Jill and maybe end up blowing mom off? I hate this crap! If I didn't live here I wouldn't have to deal with this sort of thing...

Anyway... I'm out!

I'm freakin tired!

Ok... so I just got up like twenty minutes ago. Jill had come down last night to work on this banquet dvd. Took us six hours to put it together. Up all night working on this thing. It's done though and it's pretty kewl. Now I'm gonna go pass out again.

Something out of place

I'm sitting here feeling slightly lost. I should be ecstatic but I'm not. I bought my copy of ROTS last night, Jill's Christmas present arrived, I'm off today and tomorrow so life should be great right now... Right? *sighs* It just doesn't feel that way and I don't know why. The only thing I can think of is that I haven't seen Jill in a few days. Not since Friday night to be specific. Yeah, three days and I'm feeling lost. I'll get to see her tonight because she's off and she's coming down to work on some stuff for the year end firefighter's banquet thing. Am I getting soft in my old age? I kept thinking last night when I was talking to her how much I miss her when she's not around. I found myself hoping that I can move in with her soon. Am I nuts? We've only being going out for six months.... *shrugs* Anyway, ya'll probably couldn't care less so I'll shut up now.