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Monday, February 27, 2006

An Open Letter

Dear Jill,

I've tried so many times to tell you how I feel. I can never seem to find the right words to articulate it properly. I just end up telling you that I love you when it's so much more.

When I'm with you, I've never felt a peace like that. I swear that time stops when I look into your eyes and see your smile. I can almost feel the beat the angels' wings because I know I'm in heaven.

You've made everything about my life better. You've brought so much joy and passion to my life. I don't know how I ever lived without you.

When you became a part of my life, I finally found the other half of me. I finally became complete. I didn't even realize how much was missing until you finished the picture.

I promise you that for the rest of my life I'll love and cherish you. I want only to be allowed to try to make you happy. It's the least I can do for everything you've done for me.

I love you, Jill. Now, forever, with all of my heart and soul, I love you!

Cory

Friday, February 24, 2006

The need to post

I feel the need to post something... Not that I have that much to say but I feel that urge. I came home from work early tonight and caught some sleep. I'm not feeling the best but I REFUSE to be sick. I'm NOT sick!!!

I took some NyQuil... I'm afraid it's gonna knock me out and I won't get to call Jill tonight. Honey, if I don't call, blame the stupid medicine. Oh, and btw, I love you! When I read your blog tonight... I had a really hard time not crying. You're amazing, baby!

Anyways... I think I'm gonna curl back up with book again.

I took the test...

You're a Romantic Kisser

For you, kissing is all about feeling the romance
You love to kiss under the stars or by the sea
The perfect kiss involves the perfect mood
It's pretty common for kisses to sweep you off your feet


You Are 38% Evil

A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well.
In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.


Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will only have one true love.

You've been deeply wounded in the past, and you're still recovering from that hurt.

You expect a lot from your lover - you want the full package. You tend to be very picky.

In fights, you are able to walk away and calm down. You are able to weather the storm.

Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go.





Your Seduction Style: The Natural



You don't really try to seduce people... it just seems to happen.

Fun loving and free spirited, you bring out the inner child in people.

You are spontaneous, sincere, and unpretentious - a hard combo to find!

People drop their guard around you, and find themselves falling fast.



The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Weight Lifted

News flash!!! I have the greatest girlfriend in the world! *grins* She is the best, ever, anywhere, at any time! There's not another that is even close.

Jillian came down to the store this evening and had supper with me. It was so nice and made me feel so much better... especially after the other day. We talked about that a little. We both apologized. I felt like an idiot, like I had been acting like a little kid who didn't get his way. She told me that it was all good and that she was sorry for how things went as well. *smiles* Like I said, she's the best! I love you, Jill, with all of my heart and soul!

I had been in a pretty lousy mood until Jill came in tonight. My dept. manager is an idiot! He picks the worst possible times for huge projects and of course isn't a huge help in said projects either. I'd been steaming about that all night but when I saw Jill it all just melted away. She makes the world right even when it isn't.

Anyway... I don't really have much else to post about. Nothing really major going on. I'm sitting here thinking about paying bills. Thank God that my income tax return is showing up in about a week because I really could use that money. Things are just a wee bit tight at the moment. Anyways... I'm outtie!

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Desire, Duty & Disappointment

Let me start out by making a statement; a confession to cleanse the soul as it were.

I'M SELFISH!

There... I said it. It's out in the open for all to know. It's the truth and I can't hide from it.

What, you might ask, brought this about? I had a chance to sit and think today about what I was feeling, and why I was feeling it. I know that most of you are saying that I think too much, that I read too much into everything, but that's just me. I like to know how and why things are the way they are. What makes people, things and situations tick the way they do.

Anyway, last night was Jill's night off and I finally get to see her after what felt like lifetimes. I had off yesterday and I didn't need to be to work today until five this evening so I thought I'd get to spend a whole bunch of time with Jill and maybe even make up for some of that lost time. It all started off so sweetly, so perfectly. Just being around the woman I love made me happier than I'd been in days. I'd had a rough few days leading up to my days off and frankly, I was burnt out. This was just what I needed... some quiet time with my sweetheart. This morning her cell phone rings and she informs me that she has to go cover at the station for a while. Fine, I'll come along and I'll still get to spend some time with her. *shakes head* Nope! Tones go off about half an hour after we're down there and she has to go. I understand this completely. This is a major part of her life, a commitment she takes very seriously, who she is, why I love her and I'm behind her all the way on it. Plain and simple, whatever is important to her and makes her happy is important to me. So I'm sitting at the firehall just killing time. It's getting later and later and I'm starting to wonder what's going on and I know I soon have to head for home to get ready for work. Now I'm starting to get disappointed because I'm not going to get spend any more quality time with her. She calls me and let's me know that things aren't exactly as she'd hoped and that if I need to go then I should. Now, I know we're both disappointed. She admits it and so do I. On the upside, she needs to come to the store and pick up a few things. I'll at least get to see her for a little while then.... *shakes head* Nope! I get a call after I'm at work for an hour that she just got back from another ambulance call, that she still hasn't slept all day, and she won't be coming down. Again, I understand. Hey, things come up, she works third shift and needs her sleep. It's all good. But then why am I feeling cheated? This empty feeling in the pit of my stomach that knots, twists and turns. How cruel is this? Hadn't seen her for four days, get a couple of hours, and the hopes for more come crashing down around me. This is when it hits me... That I'm a selfish, self-centered, little man. I'm disappointed because I didn't get to spend enough time with my girlfriend. I don't care that I did at least get to see her for a little while and that it was wonderful while it lasted. I don't care that I'll talk to her tonight and probably get to see her tomorrow because I wanted to spend TODAY with her. Dwelling on what could of been when I should be looking to what can be. I keep thinking that if I'd get to see her more often I'd handle this sort of thing better.... but I don't know. It's just that I so rarely get to see her, spend time with her, that when it's cut short, interrupted or whatever, I feel cheated. This was MY time and I want it! See? I told you that I'm selfish.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

A video dedication....

Music Video Codes by VideoCure.com

Monday, February 20, 2006

Powerless

I just got off the phone with Jill. *sighs* She's not been having a good couple of days... things piling up on her. I wish so badly I could do something for her. I feel like crap because the woman I love is depressed and hurting and I can't do anything about it. I want so badly to make her feel better.... I can't wait until I get to see her. Just wrap my arms around her and hold her tight. Make the world take two steps back and wait until my Jillian says it's all ok again. I wish I had that power... Jill, I know you'll read this, and I just want you to know that I'm always here for you and I love you more and more with each and every beat of my heart.

Friday, February 17, 2006

For You, Jill

She Walks this Earth


She's a soulful
Flower in the garden
She's bobbing in the sunlight
And flirting with her eyes

The way she walks by
I see a wave of color
Moving like an angel
Trailing butterflies

Give me water
Give me inspiration
I want to speak now
But I can't find a word
So unforgiving
Is my infatuation
Now that I know
She walks upon the Earth
She walks this Earth

I am restless
And burning with desire
And every other heartbeat
I beat just for her

I see her smiling
Full is my emotion
This is no illusion
But how can I be heard?

Give me water
Give me inspiration
I want to speak now
But I can't find the words
So unforgiving
Is this infatuation
Now that I know
She walks upon the Earth
She walks this Earth

Give me water
Give me inspiration
I need to hold her
Like no one else before
So unforgiving
Is my infatuation
Now that I know
She walks upon the Earth
She walks this Earth

She walks this Earth

She walks this Earth

I need to hold her
Like no one else before


-- Ivan Lins and Brenda Russell

Insanely Incomprehensible Incidences of Idiocy

I'm on day five of a seven day stretch. It's tough. Today was our video reset at work. Every movie fixture was reset and restocked with new titles. A long hard day that was made worse by our stupid management team being worthless. I ended up having a little conversation with our store manager about it. I was BEYOND jacked... *sighs* I don't think I'll lay out the details here because I'll just get myself upset over it again.

Yunno what? I guess it's a combination of things that has me worked up. This long stretch of days I'm working, the lunacy at work with customers, idiot management and our lazy department manager, and things. But the real kicker is not getting to see Jill for a few days. I hate our work schedules!!! I miss her. When she's around everything is wonderful and when she's not around it's like I'm incomplete.

I think I'm gonna shoot things tonight... relieve some tension. I'm out!

The disquieting and the delightful

Ok... I wanted to post yesterday about my evening. I just never did because I needed to calm down and I ended up falling asleep. Yesterday was an annoying night at work. People were being downright helpless and beyond clueless. I could go on and on about it and give specifics but tonight it just doesn't seem worthwhile. *chuckles* Probably because I'm in such a wonderful mood now.

Jillian came down this morning. I changed a video cd into a dvd for her. She is everything to me. Again I could go on and on... but I think I'll just sum it up....

"O, she doth teach the torches to burn bright!
It seems she hangs upon the cheek of night
Like a rich jewel in an Ethiop's ear;
Beauty too rich for use, for earth too dear!
So shines a snow-white swan trooping with crows,
As this fair lady o'er her fellows shows.
The measure done, I'll watch her place of stand,
And, touching hers, make blessed my rude hand.
Did my heart love till now? forswear it, sight!
I never saw true beauty till this night.


If I profane with my unworthiest hand
This holy shrine, the gentle sin is this,
My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand
To smooth the rough touch with a gentle kiss."
-- Shakespeare

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

V-Day +1

Yesterday was Valentine's Day. I hope everyone had a nice holiday with their significant other. I had to work 10-6 unfortunately and Jill of course worked because she had this past weekend off. *grins* Such a good weekend. Anyway... Jillian came and took me to lunch. I had told her that she didn't need to do that because she worked Monday night and had a horrific night, had stinking bingo Tuesday night and had to go to work. *smiles* Of course she didn't listen to me... and I'm glad she didn't. Just getting to spend even that lunch hour with her made my day.

Today I work 2-11. I might close by myself. I guess it's not a big deal. We'll probably be pretty slow. *shrugs* Anyway... I'm gonna get some lunch and get ready for work. Lata!

Monday, February 13, 2006

Sweetness too soon surrendered

What a marvelous weekend! Though sadly it is past, I still want to revel in the joys of it. In one fleeting weekend I've experienced the joy of a lifetime spent and the sorrow of it's dying gasp. Truly a wonderful time I must say.

Saturday I got up and got myself together and went to the store. I purchased three dozen roses, two balloons (one that said happy valentine's day and one that said I love you), a six pack of pepsi and some pretzels. I then headed to the Country Inn in Lewisburg to check in. I had made reservations about a month ago and had reserved their executive suite. I then put two dozen roses in the bedroom in two vases that I had brought along, with two stuffed animals I had previously purchased, the two balloons I had bought and two cards. I put the pepsi in the fridge and unpacked. I left to pick up Jill and go to her aunt and uncle's anniversary party. When I got to her house I took her the last dozen roses and another card. She was still packing when I arrived. *chuckles* Anyway... We went to the party. We all know that social gatherings are not my thing, but it was nice. Her cousins were asking me where I was taking her but I would not say... *smirks* Eventually she and I left and we arrived at the hotel as it was starting to snow. When I grabbed her bags from the car, Jill asked me where my suitcase was. I just smiled and told her that it was already here. I took her up to the suite and was happy that I had surprised her so. We watched Never Been Kissed and she fell asleep. *chuckles* Anyway... At four thirty in the morning we decided we were hungry so we went out in the snow to the local Sheetz for food. I wouldn't have done it for anyone other than Jill. LOL!

Sunday we slept in and then went out for a late lunch and Jill took me shopping for my valentine's present. I told her that I already had what I wanted with her spending a quiet weekend with me with no distractions, pressures or other concerns. *sighs* But... She's a persuasive chica and she bought me Outbound Flight, Ron White's You Can't Fix Stupid, and the DVD Waiting.

Today, sadly it was all over... We had to get up early, check out, and I took her back home before I had to go straight to work. When I talked to her today we talked about taking a whole week sometime. *smiles* It sounds so heavenly. It means so much to me when it's just us.

Now I'm just soooo tired... I would love to go to sleep but I'm gonna stay awake and call Jill tonight. I saw her cousin at the store today and was told she was gonna harass Jill tonight about our weekend. I gotta hear all about this. *chuckles* Anyway... I'm outtie!

Friday, February 10, 2006

Anticipation and precipitation

Yeah... I'm all excited. This weekend is the weekend Jill and I are celebrating Valentine's Day because she works on the actual holiday. The only downside here is that it's supposed to snow tomorrow.... Originally there was speculation that it might be HUGE storm... I just checked the forecast and they are saying maybe only 1-2 inches tomorrow. THANK GOD!!! We do have that anniversary party to go to. When she and I were working on that dvd for the party she found the guest list... Looks like a lot of people and we know how I love social events... :-/ Anyway, I just got done with the packing I can do now, just hafta pack the stuff that I'll be using in the morning when I get around. Then I have a few errands to run tomorrow before I go to pick up Jillian. Anyway... I have a few more surprises to work on so I'm gonna go.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Idyllic... for a while

Yes, my vacation ended... though it felt more like a brief pause. I went back to work on Monday only to have Tuesday and Wednesday off. I was ready to go back to work... or so I had thought. When I got there however, I wanted to scream. It was nice to be back doing my job but I had... issues. I don't want to get into it, it's rather inconsequential.

Tuesday? *smiles* Well, I had stayed up all night Monday night. I was playing DoD with Seth and I ended up watching a movie... oh, and I called Jillian somewhere around four in the morn. *chuckles* Speaking of Jill, she came down Tuesday night after bingo. (have I mentioned that I HATE bingo?) She and I laid and talked for quite some time. In those few quiet moments I was left to realize how content I was... Just her and I in each other's arms, talking and NOT talking, just BEING together. Later we worked on pictures for the dvd we were putting together for her aunt and uncle's anniversary party. She ending up staying the night... So today we finished that dvd. She eventually left and I was left here alone today. Just me and my book. When Mom came home, she and I chatted and I went to run a few errands... Now I'm typing this and I plan on playing some DoD tonight. *grins*

All in all a great few days....


Oh! And I have a few emails that I'd like to share with you. Nothing of major significance but I enjoyed them and want to pass them on without filling anyone's inbox with spam... *smirks* Here they are...

"SOME OF THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE A GUY CAN GIVE YOU FOR FREE"

Ladies, find a guy...

...who calls you beautiful instead of hot.

...who calls you back when you hang up on him.

...who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

...who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.

...who holds your hand in front of his friends.


Wait for the one...

...who is constantly reminding you of how much he
cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.

...who turns to his friends and says, "...that's
her."

...who kisses your forehead.


I have learned...

... that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in...

... that one good turn gets most of the blankets.

... that no matter how much I care, some people are just
jackasses.

... that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

... that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

... that you shouldn't compare yourself to others. They are more screwed up than you think.

... that depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

... that it is not what you wear; it is how you take it off.

... that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.

... to not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things.

... that ex's are like fungus, and keep coming back.

... age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

... that I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy it.

... that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

... that artificial intelligence is no match for natural
stupidity.

... that there is a fine line between genius and insanity.

... that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away. And the real pains in the ass are permanent.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

An update... or something like it

(if this seems a bit disjointed, it's because I just woke up)

Since I last blogged... lessee... Friday I went into town and sent flowers to my grandparent's and then I went to the grocery store. After the grocery store I went to Wal-Mart to check on my photo enlargment and then I came home to make lasagna. My sister called and asked if we'd watch the girls, I told her we would but Jill was coming down for supper. *nods* Anyway... Jill came down and she and I just kinda spent the night relaxing. I love that girl more than I can ever say. I miss her when she's not around.

Today... I woke up at Jill's and came home to shower. I went to my great-grandmother's funeral. Then after I got home from that, Mom, Monica and I went to A.C. Moore, to Toys R Us, and to see the Chronicles of Narnia. Great movie! Then we went to Wal-Mart in Montoursville. I came home and CRASHED!!! I hadn't gotten much sleep last night. *shrugs*

Anyway... Tomorrow is Superbowl Sunday. I plan on doing nothing, playing video games, eating lots of food and watching the game. Jill said about possibly calling off work tomorrow... *smiles broadly* It would be so nice to get to spend more time with her... It's always nice. *smirks* Anyway... I'm gone.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Still chilling on vacation....

That's right... I'm still being a bum on my vacation. I haven't really done a whole lot the past few days. I did clean out my closet, sweep the floor, reorganize a little, and have made supper every night... amongst doing dishes and other various household type things.

Jill came down this morning after work... we went for breakfast and did some work on this dvd for the anniversary party her cousin is throwing for her parents. I also got a phone call today that my great-grandmother passed away. She was in her nineties and the funeral will be this weekend.

What else is goin on? Not much... *shrugs* A nice quiet vacation. Anyway... I'm outtie.