Languishing in the Limbo of Living Dreams
Yes... It's been so long that I may have forgotten just how to blog. I have neglected this blog as I have neglected so many other things over the past... however long it's been.
Let's see... As always I've had my ups and downs. I have good days and bad, wonderful moments and terrible patches and have lived through them all. I have come through battered and bruised but better for it... at least, I like to think so.
Life has been pretty routine for the most part. Work, sleep, Jill, and the necessities of my life, mixed with a bit of fun here and there. My nephews, basketball and whatever happens to be going on.
Jill and I are like any other couple... We have our issues from time to time but I think we do a fairly decent job of working through them. *shrugs* Perhaps I tend to see more issues than she does... or it just may feel that way to me. I admit, I'm overlysensitive, I think too much and I worry too much... that's just me.
The other day, I felt unimportant on the phone with her. She called me, but spent more time talking to her Dad and Uncle than she did me... It just seemed rude to me. If you are going to call me... then talk to me... not someone else. I have a feeling that even though I didn't mention it to her, she figured it out.
Jill and I were talking about buying a house tonight. She remarked that we had to buy a house in her township. *nods* We all know her devotion to her fire company and I understand it. But it almost seemed to me like she took for granted that we would live in that township all of our lives. I mean, to be with her, I'm moving up there now... but I don't think I necessarily want to live the rest of my life up that way. Mom has told me that the piece of property we live on will be mine one day. I want this land to stay in the family... It was my grandfather's. I guess I felt like I'm making big life changes and where are the changes in her life? We will be living right next door to her family, her fire company is right there... We'll be at least a half hour to an hour away from my family and it's more in town than I would like. I hate changes... and maybe I'm focusing this the wrong way... I just feel like it's all on me. I want this... I love Jill with all of my heart and soul... but why do I feel alone about this?
Honey.. if you read this. Don't take it the wrong way... It's just me thinking out loud, where I can read it back to myself and try to understand what's swirling around in my head and heart. You are the most important thing in my life. You know that I love you more than anything.
*sighs*
I'm tired... I've exhausted myself. I'm going to bed.
