Incomplete

Sitting here alone through the night
Pondering this feeling I have without you in sight
I’m like a tree without any roots
A cowboy without any boots
I’m like a river that doesn’t flow to the sea
A lock that doesn’t have a key
I’m like an orphan without a hope
A climber without any rope
I’m like a train that doesn’t have a track
A traveler who doesn’t have a way back
I’m like smoke without a fire
Passion without any desire
I’m like music without a beat
A fire without any heat
I’m simply incomplete

-- C.A.B.

Billy Currington: Must be Doing Something Right

"A woman is a mystery
A man just cant understand
Sometimes all it takes to please her
Is the touch of your hand
N' Other times you got to take it slow
And hold her all night long
Heaven knows there's so many ways
A man can go wrong

Must be doin' somethin' right
I just heard ya sigh
N' Lean into my kiss
And close those deep blue need to eyes
Don't know what I did
To earn a love like this
But baby I must be doin' somethin' right

Anywhere you wanna go
Baby show me the way
I'm open to suggestions
Mmm whatever you say
Tonight's about givin' you what you want
Whatever it takes
Girl I hope i'm on the right road
Judgin by the smile on your face

Must be doin' somethin' right
I just heard ya sigh
N' Lean into my kiss
And close those deep blue need to eyes
Don't know what I did
To earn a love like this
But baby I must be doin' somethin' right

Must be doin' somethin' right
I just heard ya sigh
N' Lean into my kiss
And close those deep blue need to eyes
Don't know what I did
To earn a love like this
But baby I must be doin' somethin' right"

John Berry: Your Love Amazes Me

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Untitled

I yearn to be with you once again
More than a lover, my soul mate, my friend
I miss the look in your dancing eyes
The playful grin that brightens gray skies
Through the silence I hear my heart beating
Scared to death of you ever leaving
At peace with you asleep in my arms
Spellbound; entranced by your endless charms
Wanting to tell you how much you mean
The words pointless, useless they seem
Softly playing with your golden hair
Unspoken words whispered in the air
Feeling as if time could just stop
But marching on with a tick-tock
Wishing we would never have to part
I offer you nothing except this man’s heart


-- C.A.B.

On my mind

So what's on my mind? Work sucked... got stuck doing dept. mgr. work and I gave up that job a long time ago. If I'm gonna get stuck doing it again, I want my hours and my pay back! I miss Jill... I never get to see her enough. DoD was awesome tonight! And I laughed like crazy because they kicked me for being better than all of them. I enjoyed playing with that particular clan too! Ummm.... not much else. Just this and that, normal every day stuff man!

Oh yeah! I got tagged though... I'm supposed to come up with 20 random things about myself and then tag some other people... dunno how well this is gonna go but here it is...

1. I have expensive tastes
2. My cousin is my best friend
3. I am a published poet and photographer
4. I want to live my life so everyone at my funeral was glad to know me
5. I am extremely sensitive
6. I wear a ring that has "jedi scoundrel sith" engraved in it
7. I love to play basketball with my friends
8. I have a very heavy foot when I drive
9. I can spend an entire day playing video games and not notice
10. I wear my dad's rings on a chain around my neck
11. I tend to worry about things I can't control
12. I have a difficult time expressing my emotions
13. I graduated from Hillside Christian Academy in 1998
14. The average score of every test I took my senior year was 92.26%
15. I once split an entire 24 can case of Mountain Dew with a friend in one afternoon.
16. I want nothing more out of life than to love someone and be loved in return.
17. I'm not good with my hands
18. I am afraid of social situations
19. I am a movie fiend
20. I tend to go all out when I decide something

Oh and I'm not tagging anyone... because I'm difficult and stubborn too! ;-p

Never Around

The comment was made to me the other day that I'm never around anymore... I suppose that is true. I'm not online as much as I used to be... Heck, I'm not even where I used to be as much anymore. It was said to me that I "have a life now". *shrugs* I guess I've just been learning to live my life a little more... appreciate it and capture the moments in it.

I know my last post wasn't the most positive and uplifting one in a while... *chuckles* I was just feeling extremely frustrated. I'm almost positive that things will go on grinding until the circumstances change because I doubt that either Mom or myself will compromise enough to please the other. We did have a long talk about our relationship... and afterwards I felt like crap because I knew I hurt Mom's feelings. She thinks I blame her for everything and I don't... I know I deserve my share of the blame. I just told her how I saw things and she ran with it.

What have I been up to as late? I mean since I'm "never around" anymore... *chuckles* I've been working, sleeping and spending as much time as possible with Jill. A few other things have been thrown in there, like watching my nephew at the garden tractor pulls, lightsaber fighting with Christian, and this and that.

I could write about a million other things in here... Like what's goin on with my friends or how I feel about certain things... But I'm tired of writing.

I'm gone like every good thing that ain't never coming back!

Welcome to my life

I feel like utter crap right now... Not because I have a cold, but because I'm torn. It's the same old story... My mom and me. Subjects ranging from Jill to my upbringing to how I handle things. Oh and yeah... to make things worse, I just got off the phone with Jill and I know I upset her with how bummed this all makes me.

*Sighs*

You guys have all heard this all before... I'm sick to death of it!!!

Screw it!
I'm going to bed.

Randomness

"And Shepherds we shall be
For thee, my Lord, for thee.
Power hath descended forth from Thy hand
Our feet may swiftly carry out Thy commands.
So we shall flow a river forth to Thee
And teeming with souls shall it ever be.
In Nomeni Patri Et Fili Spiritus Sancti."

I have a headcold...

Happiness comes in small doses. It's a cigarette or a chocolate chip cookie or a five second orgasm... That's it!!! Ok!?!? You cum, you eat the cookie, you smoke the butt, you go to sleep, you get up in the morning and go to f***ing work!!!! OK?!?!? That is it, end of f****ing list!

I'm ready to be on vacation...

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken:
The crownless again shall be king.


I'm sitting here waiting for Jill... I don't get to see her enough.


We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, "O me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless--of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life? Answer. That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse." That the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?

An attempt at being coherent

Ok... so I really should blog. I just don't know how well this will go. I have so many thoughts and feelings swirling through my heart and mind.

Let's start with news...

Nothing major really going on with me. Work, sleep, video games, and the usual pastimes. Been beating my brains out looking for what I want to get Jill for her birthday. Been shopping online and in stores more the past week or two than I'd like. But this has gotta be perfect! Ummm... Oh! I got a phone call the other night... from my old high school girlfriend. What a weird feeling that was. Here I am talking to the chick who broke my heart back when I was seventeen and helped turn me into a cynic. She's married with four kids and calling me... *shakes head* I don't know why. Someone suggested that she now realizes that she made a mistake all those years ago... I dunno. Oh and yes! I'm soooo excited! I've got a nice long vacation coming up! Eleven whole days with no work! Seven of those days I should have the house all to myself too! woohoo!!!! *does a little dance*

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. *smirks* I know... I think alot. Sometimes it's not so good...but it's part of who I am. I've been thinking about love, life, fears, feelings... You name it. Trying to put it all into words. *shakes head* It's almost impossible. The raw emotions are so overwhelming that they just pool there and a person could drown in them. I truly believe it's important to tell those you care about how you feel... it's just so hard sometimes. I want to say it, but I want to say it right and that's where it gets difficult.

I got to talking to Jill about that phone call I had... Made me think about how much we don't know about each other. Our pasts and things... Jill was telling me that my past doesn't matter. She loves me for who I am now and nothing is gonna change that. She got me to thinking about how that story I blogged the other day defined true love... "True love is neither physical nor romantic, but rather it's an acceptance of what is, what was, what will be and what will NOT be. I'm so amazed by it all... Just wish I could put it all together into words.

Anyway.. enough of my rambling for tonight... I'm outtie!

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Chris Gaines: Lost In You

Chris Gaines Lyrics

Nothing new

So it's after two thirty in the morning and I just got done playing DoD... *grins* I have nothing major going on right now. Life is pretty nice at the moment... so what should I blog about? I mean, apparently I'm disgustingly, annoyingly happy about Jill and I... but I don't care! *grins* It's my life and I'm ecstatic about the amazing person I've found and the sheer joy that she radiates through my every waking moment. So I found this little game on Nic's blog... *waves to Nic* Hello, sister, who never calls and doesn't write! *chuckles* Anyway... here it is.

1. Open up the music player on your computer.
2. Set it to play your entire music collection.
3. Hit the shuffle command.
4. Tell us the title of the next ten songs that show up (with their musicians), no matter how embarrassing. That's right, no skipping that Carpenters tune that will totally destroy your hip credibility. It's time for total musical honesty. Write it up in your blog or journal and link back to at least a couple of the other sites where you saw this.
5. If you get the same artist twice, you may skip the second (or third, or etc.) occurrences. You don't have to, but since randomness could mean you end up with a list of ten song with five artists, you can if you'd like.


1. Go With Her -- Toby Keith
2. Lovefurypassionenergy (Lita's Theme) -- Boy Hits Car
3. I Want Action -- Poison
4. She'll Have You Back -- Tim McGraw
5. Heart of a City (Ain't No Love) -- Jay-Z
6. It's My Life -- Bon Jovi
7. Vertigo -- U2
8. Never Enough -- Eminem feat. 50 Cent & Nate Dogg
9. When You Come Back to Me Again -- Garth Brooks
10. Colors -- Crossfade

I'll go on loving you

Until the oceans run dry,
Until the mountains no longer touch the sky,
Until the winds quit blowing,
Until the stars stop glowing,
I’ll go on loving you!

Until the deserts flood,
Until the moon turns to blood,
Until the arctic melts,
Until pain is no longer felt,
I’ll go on loving you!

Until fires no longer burn,
Until the world doesn’t turn,
Until poets run out of rhyme,
Until the end of all time,
I’ll go on loving you!

-- C.A.B.

Peek into my mind

I can't believe the things that I do for you... I hate being around people and yet there we are surrounded by people I don't know... I couldn't have cared less though when you curled up in my arms. All was right with the world in that instant. And later that night, when you fell asleep with your head on my chest... time could have stopped.

Yes, I was upset when you got here the other night... but five minutes with you and it was all forgotten. I just wish I coulda talked you into staying in the morning...

I know this post doesn't make any sense to anyone other than me... but that's ok... this is my blog. And this is how my mind actually works... one thing randomly links to another but it all flows logically to me.

Linkin Park

Linkin Park Lyrics

Boredom

You scored as Blade. Thats right you are the booty kicking you cross me and I will stomp a mudhole in your butt type. Sexy and a great fighter with mad fighting skills Dracula 83% Blade 83% Marius 75% Louis 75% Spike 58% Deacon Frost 58% Lestat 50% Armand 42% Angel 33% Akasha 33% Whose your Vampire personality? (images) created with QuizFarm.com

Sawyer Brown: Thank God for You

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Another Open Letter

I've told you that you amaze me and you just say you're "only you". I've told you that you're gorgeous and you deny it every time. I've told you that you are a better person than I, and you say "only different". I don't know how you do the things you do... How you calmly handle the pain and suffering and willingly go back for more. I don't know why you love me like you do. I have nothing to offer except my heart, which is yours already. I know... I'm thinking too much. You would tell me that in a second. You appease my fears, relax my mind, and make me feel like the most special guy on the planet. I want only to be given the chance to make you feel like you make me feel. I'll gladly spend the rest of my life in that attempt. Until the oceans run dry, until the mountains no longer meet the sky, until poets run out of rhyme, until the end of all time, I love you!


P.S.
I may not understand why you do what you've chosen to do... I may kid about you being crazy... I may worry about you... But I have to tell you that I'm proud of you. You do things that most of us fear to think about, and you do it just because it needs to be done and you can help. There is no greater act of kindness than an unselfish deed done for a stranger. I applaud your courage and am humbled by it.

Fear

Jill came down last night, we went for supper and ice cream and then we watched a couple of movies. As we laid there I got to thinking about how my life has changed since we've been together. I've been taking on more responsibility, handling things that I used to just put off and that sort of thing. I'm amazed at how feeling loved, cared for and appreciated can make anything in life bearable. And as always, my insecurities and fears began to creep in... What if I do something stupid to screw this up? What if I don't measure up to her standards or her past? I know I'm being irrational, she's told me that she's not going anywhere... Now I'm just afraid that my fears will bring about what I fear the most. If I can't learn to control my fears, they will control me. I'll end up needing so much reassurance that it'll just push her away. I can't bear to let that happen. I WON'T let that happen!

True Love

I heard this story and had to post it... This is such a heartwarming story and a lesson to us all.


It was a busy morning, approximately 8:30 a.m., when an elderly gentleman in his 80's, arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He stated that he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am. I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound. While taking care of his wound, we began to engage in conversation. I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. I then inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's Disease. As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now. I was surprised, and asked him, "And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?" He smiled as he patted my hand and said, "She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is." I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, "That is the kind of love I want in my life." True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be. The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have!

The way of a warrior

You scored as Form II: Makashi. After Form I's proliferation as a saber combat technique, Form II or "Way of the Ysalamiri," came about as a means of lightsaber-to-lightsaber combat. It is described as being very elegant, powerful, and requiring extreme precision. The blade manipulation required for this form is very refined and requires much focus, but the results are extremely powerful. Count Dooku, from Star Wars: Attack of the Clones, has mastered Form II to the highest degree, fighting with the precision built into the ancient technique. Form II: Makashi 72% Form VII: Juyo/ Vaapaad 56% Form III: Soresu 50% Form VI: Niman 50% Form V: Shien 45% Form IV: Ataru 33% Which Lightsaber form would you use? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Form III: Soresu. Form III: Soresu The "Way of the Mynock" was inspired by the need to deflect Blaster bolts. It is very defensive; utilising motions occurring very close to the body to achieve a nearly total protection, efficiently expending as little energy as possible to execute those moves. This technique exposes as little body target zone open areas as is possible, making a well-trained practitioner nearly invincible. Practioners of Soresu comfortably remain on the defensive until their opponents tire or make a mistake, only then do they strike offensively. Click for more info.

Which form of lightsaber combat is for you?
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One thing has NOTHING to do with the next

Ok.. So it's been a while since I went on a patented "scoundrel rant" and I think it's about time... So here goes!!!

Attractiveness vs. Desirable

I got to thinking the other day... Thinking about the ladies in my life and some who aren't. I got to thinking what makes me attracted to some and not to others. Beauty is much more than pristine features and a set of nice measurements. It's a mindset, an attitude, a posture... The way a lady handles herself and presents herself does more to promote her desirability than just her looks. I know girls who at a glance are GORGEOUS but once you get past just looking at them and get to dealing with them... *shrugs*



How NOT to shop

As you know I work in retail. The world's largest retailer to be exact. I've been with the company seven years and I've accumulated a list of things NOT to do when shopping a discount chain. Do NOT walk into a dept. and immediately seek an associate without at least making an attempt to find the item you are looking for. Chances are that you walked right past it in your search for an associate. Do NOT ask for assistance when you are no where NEAR the item you need assistance with. When in electronics do not ask for help picking out windshield wipers. There are associates in that dept. who are able to help you. I cannot walk around the store and shop with/for you. Do NOT call the store ask for an item and when the associate comes back ask for three more... Ask all at once because we do have people who took the time to come IN TO the store to help.



News

Nothing major been going on. I've been doing the usual. Jill came down yesterday. We just kind of hung out. Watched a movie, went for ice cream, and just chilled.

The price of gas is astronomical as you all know. My new car takes premium... *sighs* I LOVE my car... But dang!

I wish I could do something for a friend... I just can't seem to help them anymore. I don't know if I'm too wrapped up in my own happenings or just out of things to give. *shakes head*

Yeah... I'm out of things to say now I think. I'm outtie!