A long series of uneventful days

I haven't updated in a while. At least not a REAL update with what's going on in my life, mind, heart, or whatever. Why? Because my days have been very much the same for a while. The same monotonous routine over and over and over again. I'm not complaining, I rather enjoy the certainity of the cycle. I'm a creature of habit. Yes, I do get bored and long for something more but I must say the comfort of routine is nice. I've come to accept the idea that "you will know, when you are calm, at peace, passive". Let the world have it's problems, I'm surrounded by what I know.

Crossfade: Cold

"Looking back at me I see
That I never really got it right
I never stopped to think of you
I'm always wrapped up in
Things I cannot win
You are the antidote that gets me by
Something strong
Like a drug that gets me high

What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold

And I'm sorry about all the lies
Maybe in a different light
You could see me stand on my own again
Cause now i can see
You were the antidote that got me by
Something strong like a drug that got me high

What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
I never meant to be so cold

I never really wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
It always seems to get to me
I never really wanted you to go
So many things you should have known
I guess for me theres just no hope
I never meant to be so cold

What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold"

I don't wanna update

I don't wanna update... but my last entry was so depressing that I oughtta say that i'm better... so.. I'm better. Now I'm gonna go.

Lost to myself

Why do I get into these moods? I like to think of myself as pretty level-headed guy but I get into these moods where I just feel kinda melancholy and don't want to be bothered with anyone. I feel as if my life is far from my control though I know that it's not what happens but how I handle it that matters. I dunno... the nice thing is that I know tomorrow will be better. A good night's sleep puts it all behind usually.

Living the Lunacy

So tonight I came home early... I shouldn't have. I came home to my mom going nuts. She get sooo stressed out over such little things. So i'm gonna violate one of my rules and actually get specific and very personal here....

Monica left mom a note about how she got another job to work on her days off. She says we need the money... She also says she's going to school to get her nursing degree. This all had mom upset... She's been under a lot of stress with what's goin on with my cousin... Mom's been trying to help her through a rough spot in her life. Anyway... Monica called the phone company today to get rid of all the features they turned on when we got the DSL. Apparently they now turned off the caller-i.d., which we wanted to keep. That worked on mom's nerves as well... then to top it all off, we got a call from the power company saying we're behind on the bill. Did not know that! So in other words mom's all worked up, stressing over every little thing and just spreading bad vibes all through the house.

I guess I'll hafta talk to Monica and see what's up.


For now I'm gonna go shoot people and then head to bed.

Oh, I'm lovin it!

Hello, DSL! Where have you been all my life? Wow, I got it hooked up last night and networked the house tonight. Oh yeah baby!!! This is niiiiice! No lag when I'm playing the DoD, fast page downloads, in other words, KEWLNESS! Anyway, not much else of significance to report so I'm going to bed.

A pretty good day

So for once I actually did something on my day off... and I feel the best I have in a while. I woke up, picked up all the crap in my room, got a shower, rewired my phone jack in my room in anticipation of getting dsl hooked up tomorrow, went to wal-mart to buy a few things and then I went to the Lycoming mall. *grins* I went to Hot Topic and bought star wars stuff... a wallet, a Yoda wristband (which I'm still wearing though I'm ready for bed), a bunch of pins and some stickers. Just all in all a good day.

Watched Friday Night Lights tonight... good film. Now I think I'm gonna play some DoD on dial-up for the last time! Woohoo!!!

Oh and this is for you!

a quote (edited for content)

"Ok, come on
You don't wanna see what goes on over here
You don't even wanna get near
If I was you I'd turn around and back home now
Before your a** gets stuffed little buster
Tryin to mean mug with that lip flappin'
What you thought was gonna happen?
Turn around b***h boy and break off fast
Before you get that foot in your a** Motherf***er!"



*points*
That's how I feel lately. Dunno why, but I do. I need some time away from everyone and everything I think. If you have a nice tropical island for me to hang on for a while call 1-800-scndrl

What is wrong with people???

Ok... so I called up the garage to get my car inspected and some parts replaced. All well and good, right? Heh! The guy tells me that I shouldn't be bringing my own parts to the garage that that is like taking your own burgers to McDonald's. Riiiight! I bought the parts that I know will perform the way I want them to. God only knows what they'd install if I let them get the parts. I'm a customer, I don't deserve to be treated like that. Your customer's wishes come before your profit margin, my friend. That is good business. One of the few things wal-mart has right is that. Make your customer happy and they will come back, even if you didn't make a sale this time. Duh!!!

*turns up the loud and angry music*

3 Doors Down: Life on my Own

Living risky,
never scared, wander
Closer to the edge
Nothing valued think no fear,
Always wondering why you’re here
All your purposes are gone, nothing’s
Right and nothing’s wrong
Nothing ventured, nothing gained
Feel no sorrow, feel no pain
Kiss me while I’m still alive
Kill me while I kiss the sky
Let me die on my own terms,
Let me live and let me learn
Now I’ll follow my own way, and I’ll
Live on to another damn day
Freedom carries sacrifice,
Remember when this was my life
Looking forward, not behind
Everybody’s got to cross that line
Free me now to give me a place,
Keep me caged and free the beast
Falling faster, time goes by,
Fear is not seen through these eyes
What there was will never be,
Now I’m blind and cannot see
Kiss me while I’m still alive
Kill me while I kiss the sky
Let me die on my own terms, let me
Live and let me learn
Now I’ll follow my own way, and I’ll
Live on to another damn day
Freedom carries sacrifice,
Remember when this was my life
Kiss me while I’m still alive
Kill me while I kiss the sky
Let me die on my own terms, let me
Live and let me learn
Now I’ll follow my own way,
And I’ll live on to another damn day
Freedom carries sacrifice,
Remember when this was my life.

another boring update

So I was off today... I watched Mail Call with R. Lee Ermey, watched football, spent some time at the grandparent's, and read lots. I work tomorrow, and will be spending the evening at the grandparent's as per usual. I think I'm gonna commandeer the garage and put brakes on the grand prix. Not much to really update about, hence the title.

I did have a thought today though... Now that Mom has found out that her condition isn't all that serious, she's back to being almost vindictive. I can't stand it! I'm not a perfect son, I know this but I DO try. Can't she see that I don't intentionally upset her? Oh well...

I'm going to bed...

Ummm... yeah

So... I'm sitting here at home when I'm supposed to be at work. I called off today. Just couldn't do it today. *shrugs*

What have I been up to? Ya'll know the answer to that. My life never changes or so it seems. I did spend yesterday with mom over at the hospital. She had an appointment with a thyroid specialist. He ordered some more blood tests and is VERY confident he can get her feelin better. (which means maybe she won't be so darn cranky) Other than that, nothing much to report, except that my two latest figures have arrived. *Grins* Sooooo awesome!

Alright, I'm gonna go enjoy my day now. Lata!

In regards to previous

Alright... so if you don't understand the previous post I guess I'll help. freetranslation.com should be of some assistance. I'm referring to my night at work in case you didn't know. Now, I'm out!

Ihre Aufmerksamkeit bitte

*sirens wail and lights flash*


Auf Verordnung des Assistenzkommandanten müssen alle Kollegen beschäftigt stets sein. Es soll keine Ausnahmen sein. Es wird kein Aufhalten bis Ihren geplanten Bruch geben. Wenn Sie gefunden sind, seien nicht Sie äußerst beschäftigt wir werden finden etwas dumm für Sie, zu machen. Vielen Dank, ist das alle.

*sirens wail and lights flash*

Zurück um zu arbeiten, Sie Schleim!

Young White and Angry

(warning: dripping with sarcasm)


So Lil' Vanilla and I were talking at work... We are part of the newest minority. White males... Everyone else is part of some minority and they have some sort of special interest group and a support structure and white males are just left out in the cold. So now he and I are not just young and white but we're angry too! We're angry about people being stupid, our jobs, and most importantly, not being taken seriously as the gangsta rappers we are. So this is C-Note a.k.a. The Big Bad Booty Daddy saying we out like Elton John.

Pass the superglue!

I had a talk with a friend last night. I was shown the things I tend to overlook. I know they're there but if I don't pay attention to them they don't bother me. Now they sit there glaring, staring me in the face. What is it that I'm feeling? Anger? Disappointment? Disenfranchised? Just plain empty and numb? I don't know anymore. I had thought I was dealing fairly well... had my little world all taped up and moving along. I dunno about that now... I know everyone isn't totally happy with their lives. I know everyone goes through times of depression and doubt. Why do mine worry me this much?

*chuckles*

An epiphany... what I've said all along is right, I think. Screw what other people think. What matters in the end is that I live my life the best way I know how. I'm not listening to anyone's petty doubts or concerns any longer. My fears, my probs and my life is to be dealt with on my terms. Same goes for everyone else. I still care as I always have, but I'm gonna tell ya'll now, it's your life, your mess, you deal, YOU fix it!

Yeah... I'm thinking this through. I'm liking it. I'm MY concern. I'm glad to have friends that care and I value your opinions but in the end what you think is your problem and my life is mine. Yeah, I hate things about my life, but I need to face them on my own...My own time, my own terms, in my own way. I'm not saying I'm turning my back on anyone. I'm just saying that I'm gonna be more self-relient and self-sufficient.

Yes, I'll still have problems, but who doesn't? Yes, I'll still have crises, but who doesn't? They say what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger... I've survived this long, not gonna quit now. I may be a coward, but I'm a coward who's gonna try to live with himself. Courage isn't the absense of fear but the ability to act in the face of it.

I'm sure my world won't be rock solid and will still crumble from time to time but I swear I'll rebuild it again and again and again and again as long as I still have breath in this body.

Back up! Ya'll don't know me! You can't see me! I'm he who will not be kept down, stepped on or run around! Scoundrel Reborn!

Don't go out there!

Yeah... It's scary outside right now. Sleet, freezing rain, snow and all kinds of wonderful winter weather! I'm thinking if it's anything like this tomorrow, I'm not going to work. The store was dead... though some crazies just had to come out to the wal-mart. I don't get it. Anyway... I'm going to go play DoD now... lata!



"I am the bad guy, Kryptonite: The Green Chronic...Demonic, yep yep, don't worry I'm on it!"

I don't wanna and you can't make me!

I don't want to go to work tonight... I had a heck of a night last night and I'm sick of the place! We had sooo much to do last night and the store was kinda busy... that's not supposed to happen in January! Some kid puked in my dept and I had to clean it up. I hate my job!!! It's doing some nasty things outside as far as the weather goes... Just don't think it's enough to call of work. I guess I should move my behind. Lata! I'm out!

Escape

In the silence, loneliness does abound
In the darkness, demons swarm to surround
Pain truly is the only honest emotion
Others barter and sell their blind devotion
When does one’s heart become cold and jaded
What happened to the color that has faded
Searching the caverns of life, trying to find
What it is that makes us deaf, dumb and blind
The deeper you look, the less you ever see
Truth wrapped itself in a split personality
Trying to balance, tipping the scales
Lost to the night a stranger wails
Trapped…each in our own reality
Pushing the boundaries, escaping to be free.

--- Cory

Ozzy Osbourne: Suicide Solution

Wine is fine
But whiskey's quicker
Suicide is slow with liquor
Take a bottle drown your sorrows
Then it floods away tomorrows
away tomorrows!!

Evil thoughts and evil doings
Cold, alone you hang in ruins
Thought you'd escape the reaper
You can't escape the master keeper

'Cause you feel life's unreal and you're living a lie
Such a shame who's to blame and you're wondering why
Then you ask from your cask is there life after birth
What you sow can mean hell on this earth
HELL ON THIS EARTH!!

Now you live inside a bottle
The reaper's travelling at full throttle
It's catching you but you don't see
The reaper is you and the reaper is me

Breaking laws, knocking doors
But there's no one at home
Made your bed, rest your head
But you lie there and moan

Where to hide, suicide is the only way out
Don't you know what it's really about?

Wine is fine
But whiskey's quicker
Suicide is slow with liquor
Take a bottle drown your sorrows
Then it floods away tomorrows

Happy New Year!

So I finally decided to update. Not that I have much to say... I've been watching movies, reading, playing video games, sleeping and working... the usual stuff. I've spent way too much money over the course of the holidays. I'll be paying for it for a while but it was fun. Especially the stuff I bought for me! :-D I did my returns the other day and ended up bringing home more stuff. I returned M*A*SH season seven and ended up with like six more movies and I returned Rebirth and got four more books. I'm a dork!

Also tonight I bought the expanded universe Mara Jade figure and the Grand Admiral Thrawn figure. *curses ebay*

I have a feeling that a friend is upset with me. I dunno for sure, could just be my paranoia yet again. I'll hafta give her a call sometime soon and try to find out. If I could only get reception on the cell here at home!

Alright... enough outta me. I'm outtie!