Deal?
I don't know how other people deal with life. I have a hard time. I may seem to be some half crazed, insane, happy-go-lucky lunatic but I'm really this timid, scared little boy. I just have a hard time handling things when they don't go as I want them to. And what's worse is wanting something badly but knowing that it won't happen as you see it in your mind. Knowing that there will be chaos and contention and strife. It just gets me down, makes me tired, it feels like the world sits squarely on my shoulders at those times. I'm tired of trying to be who people want me to be, I'm tired of trying to live up to expectations and I'm tired of having demands placed on me. I want to be me, I want to do the things I want, when I want. But I have this problem... I was raised with a sense of duty. To fulfill my obligations is as basic as breathing. So the battle rages... duty versus individuality, reality versus perception, ideals versus flights of fantasy. Does anyone else think about this sort of thing? Am I just nuts? Am I the only one who doesn't understand how this thing called life is supposed to go? Anyway... I'm going to bed to try to clear my head.
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For some reason I had a difficult time getting to the comments page. Oi.
Anyway.
I recently laughed at someone who said they were very busy. I didn't laugh because I was belittling their busyness... more because with age and life experience has come the knowledge that it doesn't get any better. And as far as getting "worse"... it depends on your attitude.
My life has been filled with disappointments and regrets. I wish I had done many things that circumstances and bad choices did not allow. I could have abandoned all that was dear to me in order to persue those personal goals. I could have dropped my disappointing and anger filled life in order to chase wild dreams.
Do you know why I didn't?
I looked at my life and I saw the people in it not as obligations and taking care of those people not as fulfilling my duty to them. I saw them as people... people I loved. And even if they didn't say thank you or show me any sort of gratitude for my efforts, I still loved them. I couldn't give up on them and I couldn't run away from them.
Granted my situation is a little different from yours, my dear. But the attitude should be the same.
And that's what it comes down to. Attitude. You can't face life looking forward or backward all the time. You have to deal with the here and now and you have to do it with a smile and a hopeful heart. Otherwise you will be miserable.
I would not wish misery on anyone. Even those who seem to thrive on it would be astonished at how much better they feel when they no longer look at the world through the words of a blues song. Not everything is angry, frustrating, and irritating. And those happy moments, though they be few and far between, should be our focus, our lifeline, our sanity.
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