Revelations of myself

As most of you know, I spend a lot of time (perhaps too much time) trying to understand humankind and myself in particular. It's not enough to know what is done, I need to know why and that leads to long periods where I'm deep in thought trying to wrap my mind around the contradictions of people. I've come to some realizations about myself that I'm not sure I'm particularly comfortable with. In an attempt to face these things I offer them here so that you and I both may understand me better.

I fear being hurt to the extent that I withdraw from unfamiliar circumstances.

I fear hurting others to the point that I inevitably hold back with them and by my actions trying to prevent them pain, end up causing it.

I try so hard to understand life that sometimes I just sit back and watch rather than live life.

I would rather be misunderstood than to explain myself and show that I care so that my feelings won't be used to hurt me.

I am passive at times to a fault and at others overly passionate that I am singleminded. I need balance.

I fear that I'll be seen for what I am... A scared, scarred person who's afraid of too much.

I feel that I am destined to be a vessel filled with fear and despair and as such become a conduit to others of the same. Through my fear and actions I have created a cycle that I must break or go through my life this way...