Crash from the summit

I played DoD all night last night as I told you in my previous post. Today when I got up, I ordered our passes for Celebration 3 and I was flying high. For the first time in a long time I was excited about something. I had this convo with Seth yesterday about how I've been feeling in the last few months and he understood. Sometimes it sorta feels like he's the only one who understands me anymore. Anyway, I ordered the passes and was flying so high that I sat down and paid bills and did a few other errands that I'd been putting off. Then it happened.... Mom came home and she asked me about something she had talked to me about last night. There is a dog tied to a chain up the road from us... and that dog has been tied there for years. The poor thing can hardly stand anymore. Mom wants to take this dog in. We already have two dogs and my cat in this house. I said that I didn't really think we should take it in because according to the information we have, the vet said the most humane thing to do would be to put this animal down. Of course we can't make that decision because this isn't our dog. So mom wants to persuade the dog's owner to relinquish this animal to us so she can take care of it. She swears up and down that if the vet tells her that it should be put down she will. I know for a fact that the vet won't tell mom to do this because of how it was with Genny when we took her in. So we got into this huge fight over this. She asked how she coulda raised me if I'm this callous. I said that I didn't think we needed the extra tension in this house and she of course blamed the tension on me and started in about how I don't do anything to contribute to this family. She says she needs to make a difference where she can... she agrees that there are worse problems in the world, like cancer, aids, starving children and homelessness, but this is where she help. Then she started on me and how I have no purpose in my life. If she only knew how much time I spend looking for some. I can't stand it.... why am I always the bad guy? Am I this useless waste of humanity? Am I cold and callous? I need answers that I don't know how to find and I've spent so much time looking already. I feel like all I do is search for the meaning of my existence.